A Meditation for our fifth week of Eastertide in 2026

For me, one of the most frustrating things that Jesus said is “Do not let your hearts be troubled.” Oh, okay – now that I’m untroubled… let me get on with the work of Your love,  Your hope, and Your Kingdom. Reading this passage in John 14 today, I felt myself get frustrated and maybe even angry at this line. It brings up so many times when I’ve been told, in response to someone learning I have depression,  to just not do ____. Never in my life has being told to not do something resulted in me not doing that thing anymore.

It is remarkable that this passage in John, with this phrase, is paired with the stoning of Stephen in Acts. While being murdered, he saw Jesus and was able to forgive the crowds just like Jesus did. Even though I have never been murdered, I have to imagine it is a moment where one’s heart can easily be troubled. My heart was overwhelmingly troubled the two times I attempted to take my own life. Life is a lot. Right now my life is a lot. I’m struggling to focus and write this with the weight of my world on my mind. Some of the things occupying my thoughts are good, holy, and exciting things, while others make me feel like I might spiral away.

When I find myself holding tensions like this in scripture, I try to step back. It could be something in my life, in my formation as a kid, in the ways that my vision fails to hold broad enough horizons for the passage. Often I turn and look back at Jesus and wait in silence with my tension. Waiting in solitude and silence, my mind found its way back to a memory from my childhood.

As a child, we would go on road trips. This was in the time before screens in cars and pockets. I could read for a little while, but I would slowly develop motion sickness. My dad told me to look out the window, and this did not help. My eyes tried to take in the swirling and blurring pavement and grasses alongside the road and didn’t find rest. As my eyes moved up towards the horizon and the clouds, I slowly felt my body calm. My context may have not changed, but I was now looking further ahead.

The horizon of my life and faith is my belief in Jesus. We are told that Jesus is our rock and that He has made a place for me in His kingdom. Like our brother Stephen, at the end of my life I will see Jesus and be welcomed home. I do my best to believe and to hope. A lot of this work is raising my eyes back to the horizon, and letting them rest there. Each moment is so close to me, and my body can only reach so far. But my eyes can see far away. My monastic life helps me to lift my eyes, my life, and my soul to meet and rest in the loving gaze of Jesus. This Way of Life, these rhythms, and these practices help me see. My heart and soul find rest when I focus on Jesus who was, who is, and who is to come.

May the voice and glimpses of Jesus give you rest.

Readings for the 5^th Sunday of Eastertide · Year A

Sunday readings from the Revised Common Lectionary

Photo Credit
Paul Prins on 27 April 2023 in New York City.